It has been almost a year since I last posted. No good excuse, yet the best of them all. I was busy living life, being dragged, intoxicated, enchanted, mesmerized, deluded, and in awe by life.
Seminary is a lot of work. Parenting is a lot of work. Being in a relationship is a lot of work; especially when you are a type A as myself.
Studying, ministry, parenting, and loving becomes a life project in which you invest all your energy, passion, talent, and time. In the mean time all else falls to last realm of priorities. Do I regret putting it all aside for love? Not really. Would have I done certain things differently? Always!
Hind sight is 20/20 they say, but when you are in love, everything is magnified, is much bigger, and more important.
Now that that relationship came to an end...you know me... all I have left is reflection. And what a blessing it is to know that in Christ no experience is in vain. That all episodes of your life have meaning, have promise, even those that while fortunate come to a sad end, still have fruit to bear in the aftermath.
Can we learn from our suffering? Most definitely! I have. I learned much more about myself than anything else. I was so afraid of being hurt, that I ended up hurting myself. Fear is a treacherous thing.
But I also feared the most not being able to handle being hurt again, and how great it is to know that still in the midst of doubt God continues to be strong in my weakness. I can get up, sand my knees off and walk (even if its a wobbling walk). I learned that I have the power of choice. That is the greatest power God consented us. That I can choose and live with that choice, whether it's the right one or a wrong one.
I am thankful for that season in my life, I truly enjoyed it, but it was also a season of emotional hardship. I can attest that nothing is more effective to prune your character than a romantic relationship. It stirs up and out all your insecurities and hurts, if you have not dealt with them properly. It also puts your communication skills, emotional IQ, and conflict resolutions skills to the test. But most of all when two people who are together are also in love with God, the bar raises to a higher level. It is indescribably challenging. I do not know how people do this. More power to you all! I do speak against the notions most people (women, especially) have about falling in love as a fairy tale. I cannot help it I will always be a half-glass-empty kind of gal. I am not saying all is bad, but I can certainly tell you that if walking alone is hard, try to get two to agree.
I will leave it there before I burst ya'll's hope bubbles.